Name That…Flat Top

February 2, 2012 | By More

I always wondered how barbers cut a perfect flat top.


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  1. FakeEyes22 says:

    This figure is from Chewbacca, a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk, went into a rebellious phase at around age 75 or so, which given their comparatively long lifespans, would be similar to a human’s teenage years and the typical yearning for independence and power converter purchasing that accomany this period.

    Chewie, as his friends called him, yearned for the stars since the fateful day of Order 66 (Yablaaargh 66 in Wookiese language) where otherworldy visitors became enemies, comrades, enemies again and piggybacking jedi frog people. He never forgot the time he watched that peculiar froggy jedi escape his planet in a pod that was not designed to help Chewbacca or any of his large framed furry brethren escape the subservience and slavery that the newly formed Empire would bring to Kashyyyk. The pod was still pretty sweet, inspiring Chewie to dream of traveling through the stars and, more importantly, dream of finding and smashing the tiny jedi who had brought all of the oppressive clones to his planet in the first place.

    Chewbacca’s parents, particularly his father Itchy, had a complacent attitude that he did not share. A teenage(equivalent) and frustrated Chewbacca got a flat-top haircut and some nutty armor in a fit of rebellion as he became his own individual and trained to fly spaceships and kill green things. His parents blamed all the Max Rebo albums they had bought him for Life Day the previous year, but Chewie was a changed Wookie. This attracted a young Mala, who he eventually married, and he soon reverted back to his “nude with a bandolier” dress code for the sake of their child Lumpy.

    Chewie ran into a young pirate named Solo one day and got outta town, leaving his grumpy father to look after his ugly intolerable family and watch inappropriate holograms. Chewie had his freedom and would go on to experience many galaxy changing adventures and zero medals for his heroic actions.

    And his wife ended up with a new guy named Snoova, a bounty hunter who dressed just like Chewbacca as a young man. Sadly, he had a death stick problem and one Life Day Eve, he burned down their entire house and homeworld in a hazy death stick fueled rage. In a cruel twist of fate, the Galactic Empire was defeated the very next day and Chewbacca played a huge role in that victory. He’s on his way home now with a new stuffed bantha for Lumpy, after realizing that a peaceful life with a loving family is perhaps the adventure he’s really been chasing after all of these years.